Call It A Tie™
Call It A Tie™ Jokes and Humor
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter
Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting
the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was
hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over
to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny
carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The
driver felt so guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of
the road and pulled over. she stepped out of her car and asked the man
what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and
killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went
to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp,
dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came back to life, jumped up, picked up the
spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down
the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around and waved
again. Then he hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved,
hopped another 50 yards and waved again, until he was out of sight!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in
your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so the man could read the label. It said:
"Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom & sees a
letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she
reads it, with trembling hands:
It is with great regret & sorrow that I'm telling you
that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real
passion & he is so nice, with all his piercings &
tattoos & his big motorcycle. But it's not only that
mom, I'm pregnant & Ahmed said that we will be very
happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have
many more children with me & that's one of my dreams.
I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone &
we'll be growing it for us & his friends, who are
providing us with all the cocaine & ecstasies we may
want. In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to
find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he
deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now & I
know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit
you so you can get to know your grandchildren.
PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I
just wanted to show you that there are worse things in
life than the school's report card that's in my desk
drawer...I love you!
True Doctor Stories
A man comes into the ER and yells,
"My wife's going to
have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's --Dress,
and began to take off her
underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were
several cabs, and I was
in the wrong one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift
I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's
anterior chest wall.
Big breaths," I
instructed. Yes, they used to be,"
replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
One day I had to be the bearer
of bad news when I told
a wife that her
husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not
more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting
to the rest of the family
that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba , Canada
I was performing a complete physical,
visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty
feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right
eye with your hand." He read
the 20/20 line perfectly.
Now your left."
Again, a flawless read. Now both,"
I requested. There
was silence. He
couldn't even read the
large E on the top line. I
turned and discovered that
he had done exactly what
I had asked; he was standing
there with both his
eyes covered. I was laughing
too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week
follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he
informed me, his doctor,
that he was having trouble
with one of his
medications. Which one?"
I asked. The patch. The nurse
told me to put on a
new one every six hours and
now I'm running out of
places to put it!" I had
him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes, the man
had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with
a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have
you been bed-ridden?"
After a look of complete
confusion she answered.
Why, not for about twenty years
-- when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
So, how's your breakfast this morning?"
It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,"
the patient replied I then asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
And Finally . . . .
A new, young MD doing his
residency in OB was quite
female pelvic exams. To cover
his embarrassment he had
a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom
he was performing this
exam suddenly burst
out laughing and further
embarrassed him. He looked up
from his work and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor,
but the song you were
whistling was 'I wish I was
an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
--won't admit his name
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